israel: final thoughts and feelings

i have been in this constant state of reflection the past couple of weeks. my stay in israel has been a whirlwind of amazing experiences and the rare glimpses into this life that i didn't even know existed outside the bubble of my sheltered american life. i am so, so, so glad that i chose to come here to study and live and grow. i admit that israel is not the easiest place to adjust to and still some events are jarring. however, it's slowly becoming a part of my everyday vernacular and i find it quite wonderful. at first, i fell in love quite easily with israel: the sights, the history, THE FOOD!, the people. furthermore, this place gave me a break that i sorely needed. then after a while, what i loved about israel slowly began to smother me and hold me down. the political situation here is something that takes a lot of effort and time. moreover, most people in israel aren't even fazed by the conflict and sometimes consider it a nuisance or background noise (!). indifference runs rampant in these parts and it can be difficult and frustrating to breach this shield. i was also tired of being treated as a frier, a pushover, because i am a foreigner and the attention that came with looking discernibly different from the rest. the atmosphere in jerusalem was oppressive and stifling at times. it was hard to find something to do on shabbat because the whole city shut down and not many things were open. it was hard being in a country, that is surrounded by countries that do not believe in the existence of said country and want to annihilate it. i also became homesick after a while and wanted to desperately come back because i had thought i saw, learned, did whatever it was that i wanted to accomplish. after much reflection, this is not it. it is hard to explain how i have come to love this country that i have no connection to in any way. but it is in a way a flower in a desert. if you give it the right care and enough time and have great patience, it flowers into something quite breath-taking and amazing. that is israel. yes nostalgia can make me gloss over the bad things but the bad things are outweighed by the good i have come across in israel. the close knit group of people i call friends and perhaps even family. the people that i have met on my trips who have shown me great hospitality to a complete stranger. the determination of both israelis and palestinians to keep persevering despite all the opposition that exists. i might not ever make aliyah but i see myself returning again and again. it is true what itamar and matan had told me before i left. i have a home here. for good or bad, it is someplace i can begin to call my own.

the west bank experience (part 3 cont.)

the daughter of the person i was going to meet, met me at one of the checkpoints. she was waiting with her little brother, looking rather uninterested. we went through the checkpoint and they took me up a hill, through rubble and garbage. the passageways were not determined by anything but rocks and the direction upward. i can't believe that they climb up and down to get into town. the house was hidden from view by growth of trees. there, heshem greeted me and welcomed me into his house. the rooms were clean and well-maintained. he showed me to his sitting room and told me his story.

heshem is in an difficult predicament as he lives right below one of the most religious fanatic jewish settlers in the area. he is involved with the organization called b'tselem, an israeli human rights organization of the occupied territories. the program distributes camera and video equipment to the palestinians who live near military outposts, settlers, checkpoints, etc. they record their daily life, living precariously on the edge of potential violence. it goes without saying that heshem has had a difficult life. the settlers above continuously throw down garbage, old machinery and rocks, trying to maim him and his family. heshem believes that two state solution is not the way to go. he thinks that it will only cause more problems and violence between israel and palestine. he is determined that one state is the answer; everybody living together in peace as one. the separation, for heshem, has gone on too long. he also gave me his opinion of hamas, saying that the hamas party was the one at the moment that appeared to want and bring about change to palestine.

after much talk, he showed me around his house. the trees on his property were cut by jewish settlers and one is barely flowering. the windows of his house were broken so heshem installed metal grills. now the settlers use long sticks to get through the grill. heshem said that there were many graffiti on the walls and doors but he painted over them. he showed me one door where there is still the star of david as he wasn't allowed to paint over that by the IDF, who told him that if he did, they will arrest him. all the natural walkways into his house are blocked. on the roof, his water tank was shot and couldn't be repaired.

heshem had several videos he wanted to show me so we went back down to his house. the first video he put on showed heshem trying to pick up the olives from his olive trees. the IDF only allowed heshem to do it. while he was gathering olives, the settlers saw him and came down, screaming. they were calling him a stealer, a murderer, and a nazi. a woman started wailing in the middle, creating a commotion. she kept saying things about how the jewish people have no land and no way of life, that everything they have is being stolen, etc. the next video showed a gathering of jewish school girls chanting "die arabs" "murder the arabs", etc. the third video, by a swede, showed a group of palestinian girls on their way to school. they were bombarded by jewish girls and boys who kept pushing and hitting the girls, including the teacher. the IDF stood around doing nothing while the teacher pleaded with them to do something. the boys threw rocks at the girls from below. the last video i saw was frightening in all levels. heshem told me that several years ago, there was a curfew installed so that the palestinians were not allowed to leave their houses for several hours. during these hours, the jewish settlers would come into their villages and terrorize the people, who were not able to do anything. the video showed the settlers coming with long metal poles and guns, destroying property and breaking windows to grab the people inside. again, the IDF did nothing to stop this from happening. imagine living like that, in constant terror, living in fear that these people, will one day no doubt commit murder because of their hatred. heshem also told me that the jewish women would come and kick his wife around, telling him that they will come back another time with men so they can rape her. someone must be at home at all times so that the settlers do not come and destroy their home. his children cannot go to sleep at night unless the light is on and their parents are there to console them.

it was getting late so i had to leave. i thanked heshem for his story and for showing me great hospitality. i made my way back to the old city to wait for egged. while waiting for the bus, i ran into a soldier who recognized me from before. he seemed very happy to see me and greeted me. i also saw a great celebration near the synagogue. i believe it was a wedding ceremony. it's funny to see such happiness when those people are the ones creating fear in those who live not 50 metres away.

the pope's visit amongst other things

in hopes for peace and reconciliation, the pope visited israel and palestine last week. i have to say that his aspirations backfired in his face. in his wake, the traffic increased much to the chagrin of commuters in jerusalem. everyone was so irritable, the bus drivers more so. there was an influx of italian tourists. what, you don't see the pope enough in italy? everyone was more than ready to feed the pope to the dogs, which they did. the newspapers in israel printed the pope's involvement in hitler youth and the general air of anti-semitism of the roman catholics. furthermore, the entire student village was on military lockdown with snipers galore because he was landing in the helipad that is located right next to the dorms. lucky us. it seems that even though the people were looking forward to the pope's visit, it was gone soon after his arrival.

last monday was my first photo crit of the semester. it was also the first one in which my photos sparked a 30 minute debate of the differences between documentary photography and well... political undertones of the photography. because i chose to do my project on the different travel modes to hebron, i guess i could have expected nothing less. however, as stated below, i'm getting tired of the underlying political aspects. sometimes, things are just what it is. it is nothing more. i also do not want to do a critique on the relations between israel and palestine. here is where i am truly an outsider. i have never lived here nor do i have any connections with the place besides my fascination of the language and culture. i will never have the deep-rooted feelings that the israelis have accumulated over time. in a way, i feel like it is not in my place to do this project but it is one that i can do because i am a foreigner. i feel i cannot do the places and people justice in my photography because even with all my research, i will still be a 'tourist', an outsider. my photos of israel will always gravitate toward the things that have political charge to them, such as a watchtower, the wall border, military personnel, etc. i don't mean to only take pictures of that, not that i do. it is just that this is what comes from the project and it is hard to separate the politicalness of the photos, but my intentions are clear. it is merely a project documenting MY journey to hebron using egged and the arab buses. documentation and nothing more. but i cannot stop an arab israeli and a jewish israeli seeing something completely different that i mean to show.